bedtime playfulness

Jonah has become very playful around bedtime--he enjoys time spent with daddy and his new game of 'chase'. I took a video of him just playing a bit before bedtime the other night.  I love how he keeps going back to find Patrick in the hallway, only to be chased quickly away.

Little moments like these allow me to look at the simple things in life and enjoy them.  It lets me see my child's innocence-and reminds me to not let the complexities and busyness of routines overwhelm me. I could be worrying about the laundry, dishes, or emails that need response, yet here a simple game makes my little man grin with happiness.

Enjoy watching his playfulness.

Jonah sliding

We took Jonah to the park today--his expression going down the slide was such a joy to watch...we caught a glimpse of it on video.

The video is quick, but I love his innocence and excitement of something new. :)

A reunion--in God's timing

So much has happened in the last week, that I feel I should document it.

Back in 2008, I started my search for my birth mother. I believe I had written an initial letter when I was 18, but nothing much came from it, so I like to say I began the search initially in 2008. I didn’t hear much of any response, so I went on as normal. It wasn’t pressing..I have a wonderful life, but I am not going to dismiss the fact that I always wondered. There were times when I wished I had known of my mother and the woman she is, only because I wanted to see where my traits stemmed from. In February of this year, I contacted the agency that has now taken over the reunion cases of those adopted from the Children’s Baptist Home in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I was sent a letter, requesting that I wrote a letter, myself, to my birth mom to initialize the search and also to face any emotions that came with this start and any grievance, or fear. It took me several days to even think of writing. I set the request on my counter top, amongst other bills and consciously forgot about it. Patrick asked me from time to time if I had written yet, kindly reminding me. I finally wrote it on my own timing--I cried, laughed, and experienced several emotions I didn’t even knew were within when writing it. It came from the heart. I sent it, not thinking much would come from it.

It was Wednesday morning, July  27^th and I heard the phone ring, but couldn’t get to the phone in time. A gal named Debbie left a message from Deaconess Pregnancy and Adoption Services telling me she had an update on the relocation of my family. I called back, we played phone tag and finally got a hold of each other in 10 min time. She told me my case was a difficult one. She informed me there were days she honestly put my file away, as it was frustrating having no answers. She tried all paths-tried to contact relatives, and no one was aware of where she was. She prayed and finally took a leap of faith and went through her personal facebook page..and found my brother..then my mother. She said the moment she saw my brother’s photo, she knew it was him. His eyes, and his chin-“you look so much alike, Sarah”. I didn’t know what to think.

She told me she had sent a message to my birth mother, and we would wait for her response. I didn’t know what to say or feel, or even pray about. I went to the gym telling myself to go on normally.  I cried on the elyptical machine…just being hit with all this information was so scary. I came home, put Jonah down for a nap, took a shower, and then it all came out…I bawled. I was shaky. I didn’t know what to feel. I didn't know what to pray for. I never thought I’d get a phone call. Patrick was flying that day and I didn’t want to tell anyone else, so I called Debbie and left a message. I remember feeling helpless—I remember saying to myself, “you are almost 30 years old Sarah…and you cannot control these emotions?” She returned my call minutes later. She was so sweet, mentioned she was so glad I called and was there to listen to my emotions flow. Heavily.

That afternoon I wrote to Debbie via email, thanking her and also attached some current and past photos of myself in the instance that if my birth mother did respond with desire to read my letter, pictures would be available.

Friday morning, I received a call from Debbie around 7am. It was the call I was hoping for.  She told me that my birth mother had responded. Debbie informed me my birth mother was taking a leap of faith and wanted to read my letter. She sent the photos and letter via email, while still on the phone with me. I remember thinking, “she could be reading my letter right now. She could be looking at my photos.  This is a big day. A very good day.”

I went to the gym, and hoped for the best. I came home and received a message stating that Debbie and my mother, Julianne, had been in conversation all morning and wondered if it would be best to email to begin our reunion. I received an email from my birth mother that afternoon. I couldn’t believe it. This was happening. It was real. I saw photos of her, my brother, and twin sisters. All my life I have lived as me—not knowing where certain traits stem from.  I have only had Jonah to look at and see myself in.  Now, it was surreal looking at photos only to see myself in her and my family. 

Amongst the reality of such a huge event in my life, it’s the little things that have made me even more emotional these past few days. For instance- I love peanut butter, and my birth mother informed me she ate a lot of peanut butter while she was pregnant with me.  I share my eyes and love for music with my brother, Derrick. I have learned he has never had braces, nor have I—yet we still have managed to inherit that gene where our teeth are seamlessly straight. Along with my sisters, Stephane and Celia, we carry a similar profile, are crafty and equally share so many of life’s favorites-- it’s shocking. My mother loves the same restaurant I do, back East—Golden Corral (not too many understand our love for it). I’ve emailed, chatted and been corresponding with my family. I see resemblances in all of them and thank God continuously that He has given me this gift of a reunion.

my beautiful birth mother, Julianne

Julianne with my nephew, Trenton

my sister Stephane, brother Derrick, and sister Celia

twin sisters

brother Derrick with his son Trenton, and fiance Jessica

Jonah's birth story

I know this is out of order, but lately I have felt the need to document important events in our lives. Not only for me, but for my family. Jonah's birth story is no exception:)

On April 9th, 2011, my due date, I had my routine 40 week office visit.  My doctor was extremely surprised to see me in the office, as she was convinced that I would deliver him early.  I had been 2 cm dilated, and 80% effaced for three weeks now. I had endured some Braxton hicks and minor contractions, but not enough to be admitted. My doctor understood I was uncomfortable and let me decide what day to schedule my induction that next week.  She gave me the option of Monday or Thursday.  I knew the 12th was a good day, (you can read the reasoning behind this here and here) and I just wanted to see our son and not be pregnant anymore, so Monday it was.  I was to call on Monday morning to see what time the nurses could fit me in to start my induction.  I called bright and early around 6am and they said they would call me back. We received the call around 8am, asking if we could be there at 9am to start the induction.

We arrived at Good Samaritan Hospital  at 9am.  They checked my current dilation and started the Pitocin around 9:15am.  At 3cm, I already had a good start. A few hours later, my contractions were stronger and the pain worsened.  I called for medication, and the nurse injected Demerol into my IV. I was in heaven--well..quite the opposite, but the pain magically turned into a warm, fuzzy, sleepy sensation. I remember asking Patrick to please take my socks off.  He told me I didn't have any socks on. I just smiled, mentioned something about salty french fries and dozed off to sleep for a good 2 hours. When I woke up, the nurse checked me, and I was around 5 cm.  I decided to then call for my epidural. Being absolutely sickened at the thought of needles, I never saw the epidural needle, but Patrick did and said it was huge. Once I received it, I progressed quickly.  Within two hours I was at 8cm, and an hour and a half later, I was ready to push.

Within that time frame of quick progression, the contractions did get stronger and a little unbearable.  I remember my mom came in to see me, along with my brother.  I remember the muffled sounds of their voices, as I sat, concentrating, breathing in and out, trying to get through the strong and long contraction. It was then that I realized this was really happening.

Once it was time to push, the nurse instructed Patrick how to help and count when I had a contraction. I started pushing around 6:15pm. Around 6:45pm, the nurse wanted me to lay on my side to try and re-position him. Patrick was there to hold my hand and wait for about 30 minutes.  Around 7:15pm I started pushing again.  There was a moment where the nurse mentioned that he wasn't progressing down very fast and that she mentioned the possibility of 'help'; using forceps. She left the room for a good minute or two, while Patrick and I continued to push. I was determined.  I did not want any 'help'.  I remember looking at Patrick with determination and decided that this next set was going to be it--we wouldn't need any 'help'. We were going to do everything in our power, along with God's strength, to do this on our own. She came back in the room and Jonah had sensed that determination and turned nicely into place. She called and Dr. Wong came in about 15 minutes later to deliver Jonah.

Jonah Allan Hancock arrived at 8:44pm. He was 8.3 pounds, 21.5 inches long. I delivered him transverse. I always say  he wanted to come into this world with purpose-both shoulders forward and ready! Hearing his cry was amazing. A feeling I'll never forget. Once checked, the nurse placed him on me to hold.  When handing me Jonah, the nurse did mention to us at she thought he might have a club foot and wanted me to be aware. She wasn't too sure though and pointed out for us to see it ourselves. Now of course we wanted to know all the details of the nurse's findings when she checked him, making sure he had all 10 fingers and 10 toes, but the timing was unfortunate of when she informed us.  This was our moment...to see our son. Regardless, it was a moment of clarity--to see both Patrick and me in him.  He was perfect. Just looking at him, I was awestruck. So beautiful. I said hello and that I loved him, but I think he already knew that.

Amongst this moment, we were still worried. The nurse pointed out his right foot, as it was pointed outward. Now, being first time parents, of course that was very worry-some. I didn't know the first thing about a club foot, let a lone all that it entailed. She mentioned that it could also be due to being cramped up in the womb. He did have a habit of kicking me alot in the ribs, but I wanted a pediatrician's advice. Dr. Keirum, Jonah's pediatrician visited us the next morning and informed us that a club foot involves the foot pointing the opposite, inward. He was convinced it was due to being in the womb and just as he thought, Jonah's foot moved into position nicely over the next few days.

We learned it's tradition to play, "Twinkle, twinkle little star" when a new baby is born in the birthing ward at Good Samaritan.  My parents, sister and brother all heard the music and knew Jonah was here. 

He is the joy of our lives and we cannot imagine life without him.

Here is a video of his first moments:

PopPop's visit

This past week Jonah had a new best friend--PopPop. Momma and Dadda weren't 'cool' anymore.  :)

Allan, Patrick's father, came to visit from NC this past week.  Jonah recognized him and continued to follow Allan around all week. It was a layed back visit, but one to remember and cherish.  The men all spent some much needed time together. Here are a few snapshots of our time together on just --one-- of several trips we took to the park..

I love this picture...even if it's a little funny. Jonah clearly DID NOT want to leave the park...

The many faces of Jonah..

Jonah Allan-15.5 mo

Hmm...wonder where he got the idea to wear all his emotions on his face??? 

two days, two century rides

Patrick participated in the "Seattle to Portland" ride this past weekend.  He and his friend, Hans, rode 100 miles on Saturday and another 100 on Sunday.  It was so great seeing him cross the finish line.  Here are a few pictures I snapped of the finishing moments.  

a documented holiday

Fourth of July 2011

This morning I was looking through photos of how much Jonah has changed in the past year.  I remember driving down for the first time with Jonah the weekend of July 4th, 2010.  It was my first trip(longer than the usual grocery store) with him.  I thought it was monumental.  We made it and I happily blogged about the visit, here.

Thinking about that trip and how much he's changed, I took a few photos this afternoon while he played with his truck around the kitchen.  I look at these photos and see the little man he is changing into.  He's full of laughter, personality, and provides us much joy.  I cannot wait to snap photos next year and compare again.

This afternoon/evening involved playing outside in the sun, visiting with great neighbors, eating some good food, and overall partaking in the festivities that the fourth of July has to offer.  Happy Fourth of July--may this year be full of celebration! :)

a big boy

Just a short recap of Jonah and what he's been up to!  

I took this video to show Patrick's mom(Grammy) how big Jonah is getting...walking, drinking from his sippee..etc.  Please disregard the coughing..he's been battling a neverending cough! It was too big to attach in a file..so here it is for everyone to see on our site:) 

One happy gal

finished in 1:38:22

I did it.  I finally ran my first half marathon!  The Seattle 'RocknRoll' half marathon was a great one to choose for my first. I say that because I know I'll now run more..it's addicting! Before the race I had thoughts that I truly just wanted it over with and that I was tired of training, running, and just the whole idea of it.  I can see now why it's so addicting and how my efforts (long runs, sore legs, and vast amounts of conversations with myself wondering why I was doing this...) payed off.   The weather was perfect, and the course was great. The energy is overwhelming and literally all around you. We ran through the I-90 tunnel..the energy gave me chills and pushed me through the last three miles.  There were so many emotions running, I cannot even describe the feeling.  I realized I have great friends with which we support each other and our goals. Meeting up at the end was so great, as it was amazing to see my wonderful husband and son at the finish line.

I did it. I am proud of what I and our team accomplished..did I mention I am one happy gal?

  Now...when should I start training for my full?? :)

at the Expo

38,000 people at the start line

like our tats?!

my reason

we finished

Banana, anyone?!

Team Footfire
Sarah, Amber, Mike, and Brenda

progress

the beginning of beginnings..

Jonah has taken his first steps...I've found that he's most confident after he eats(don't ask me why...guess the term ' using food for fuel' can be used at any age). So..I captured a shining moment after dinner..

You can tell his determination will get him walking everywhere in no-time. And so it begins.... :)

a smaller approach to 'extreme'

This past week I've developed a new hobby--couponing!  I always knew that you could save money, but never really got into couponing until now.  For a while now, I have been watching extreme couponing on TV--and honestly have been turned off by the ridiculous amount of junk(i.e processed and packaged foods) people buy and have to purchase in order to save.  So, I have taken a smaller approach to the whole world of couponing--scaled it down a bit, and have decided to just save on household items and occasional food items we use normally(if I get a good price). I figure the bulk of our money goes to household items anyway when on a weekly shopping trip, so why not stock up and save for the future?  Plus, it's nice to just go to the 'stock pile' and grab a bottle of shave gel if we run out! Last week I saved over $150.00! 

Value: $60.10,
Paid $16.64
a 72% savings

It's no 'extreme' TLC episode by all means, but it has truly given me confidence in knowing that I can help our family financially, even if I am a stay at home mom.   

Jeepin'

Today was so nice out, I thought I'd let Jonah get in his jeep and 'drive around' outside.

It was cute to watch him explore...

He's close to walking on his own, and the jeep sure helps him get to where he wants to go! It was pretty cute seeing him get so frustrated when there was a 'bump' in the road(aka: side walk curb). I turned his ride around several times just to see this driver's determination! :)

            

a birthday surprise

Today we celebrated Patrick's upcoming birthday by surprising him at his squadron.  About 20 of his friends/co-workers gathered together to surprise him and celebrate his 30th birthday! I was sneaky enough to contact a few people he works with to help plan the surprise--we pulled it off! I was happy, as it has always been difficult to surprise him, let alone keep any type of secret from him.  He had no clue--and it was fun to see him in the moment.  

Patrick is his moment of surprise

I ordered a custom C-17 cake to present at the gathering for him..it turned out awesome! I contacted this amazing, new and upcoming cake artist in Federal Way(you can see more of her cake designs here) and I couldn't have been more pleased with how it turned out! 

It's so great to have celebrated today--I remember celebrating with Patrick on his 21st birthday--look how far we've come together:)  Happy Birthday, hunny. We love you!!

A bittersweet farewell

As a mother, you learn that a child's immune system is not as strong as an adults and they are more prone to catch colds, and other illnesses.  As parents, we naturally understand that, and know that Jonah is likely to catch a cold from time to time.  However, for a while now, Jonah has seemingly carried a constant stream of congestion.  Sad to say, and feeling guilty as I even type this, ..it's becoming the "norm" in our household--we've heard several times from family members and friends, "Wow..Jonah doesn't sound good!"  We've come to the point where we nod our heads and explain that it's a constant issue we've had to deal with.  We know that bad sinuses run in the family, so it could have something to do with passing down that 'fabulous' gene. But this past week held the last straw and I simply became too tired of shrugging off the "norm".  I became frustrated at all the doctor's visits, the repetitious cycle of waiting 10 days the nurses say to wait before making an appointment for medication, getting that medication and witness a happy, congestion free child for a day or so, only to hear it again a few days later.

The final straw came in a two deal package.  Not only had I had it with the constant wheezing, and mild coughing, I had an epiphany.  This could be allergies. The last straw emerged when Jonah had been playing near the window in our downstairs living room.  Julie(Patrick's mom) and I witnessed the most horrendous coughing spell coming from my sweet little boy.  Partly my fault, the curtains had a lovely stream of cat hair all up the side of the curtain.  The cats sit from time to time on the ledge of the windowsill, so naturally, the curtain attracts hair. I felt horrible.  Jonah cannot even play in specific parts of his own home without being affected.  

We took Jonah to get tested for allergies this past week.  The results have not come back yet, and we are aware that since he is so young the test can come back as a false negative on all levels.  With that said, Patrick and I ultimately made the decision to find new homes for all three of our animals.  

Mojo, Echo, and Iris

Iris and Echo a few days after we got them in 2006.

Iris laying on my pregnant belly--her way of protection.  I believe she knew I was pregnant before I did. :)

There were several factors in making such a decision--Amongst the probability of a false negative, the pet dander clearly doesn't help the matter.  And despite this obvious reason of a possible allergen in our household, the level of attention the animals receive has diminished since  having Jonah.   We feel that it's best for them to find homes where they are given an abundance of love and affection.  With answered prayer, we quickly found homes for all three this past weekend.

To be honest it's bittersweet.  Bidding farewell to the kitties leaves me slightly sad remembering the sweet cuddles, affection, and protection given by them.  Even trying to find pictures of them left me feeling a bit empty. Iris always knew when I was sad and was always right there to offer her source of encouragement. She often was there for company when Patrick was away on trips. She'd talk to you, motion with her paw when you weren't paying attention, and was always willing to sit on your lap and cuddle. She was my favorite. Yes, Echo was skiddish from time to time, but I think she hid from the spotlight of her sister.  Deep down she was sweet and innocent.  Mojo, was Mojo.  I laugh as I type this, as he clearly made it known he wasn't too impressed with Jonah and often left him alone, lacking any curiosity. He was a sweet cat though, cuddly and affectionate.

It also leaves me relieved.  No more cleaning out the litter box. No more finding gum wrappers(amongst other bathroom necessities) all around the house dug from our trash. And no more hair. Uhhghh...I vacuumed yesterday. To give you a glimpse of what three cats can do to a home in less than a week...I emptied the "wind tunnel' over five times. YUCK. You would never think of the amount of hair, and pet dander that can accumulate on carpeted floors..but it's there. (An update on the curtains--washed, ironed, and put back up. All done by Patrick, I might add!)

In two days we've seen a difference.  Jonah still has a bit of congestion, but you can tell he's feeling better and what could have been a factor is no longer in affect.  Patrick and I have slept better and have woken up less congested.  Overall, we are happy with our decision. The kitties are in better homes as we are in ours. We sit in cleaner air, less cat hair, and hold memories of the animals who provided much love over the years. It was a good decision.  A bitter sweet one, but a good one. 

Grammy's visit

This past week Patrick's mom, Julie, came to visit us from North Carolina.  It was a much anticipated visit, as the opportunity to visit doesn't always come as often as we'd like it to.  Patrick is currently driving her to the airport, and I sit with a lump in my throat.  I hate to see her go, as her visits are always anticipated and loved by our family.  

The week was pretty laid back, and I think that's how we intended it to be.  Our week consisted of a couple trips to the park, normal errands, a doctor's visit, a couple homemade meals, an early celebration of Patrick's birthday, and a few hours of pampering for the ladies(a mother's day treat!).  It was fun watching Jonah interact with his Grammy. There were many lazy mornings and afternoons playing with toys on the living room floor.  Hugs, laughs, and loves were given and received between them both.  We all caught up, shared stories, and noticed more and more similarities between Jonah and Patrick.  

That said, having her here gave way for more stories of when Patrick was little.  Learning of the tendencies, temperaments, and habits Patrick held as a child painted a noticeable connection between father and son.  It was fun to hear of all the glory and fun Julie has had as his mother. Truthfully, learning more of the amazing mother and woman Julie is, there were moments I second guessed my mothering abilities.  After all, an amazing mother stood before me.  She was there though, to pick me right up, encourage me, and give me so much support in what I am currently doing, and continuously strive to be.  I cannot help but smile on the blessing God has bestowed on me and our family to have such a wonderful Grammy for Jonah, loving mother to Patrick, and a sweet, caring mother-in-law, always willing to offer any words of encouragement, support, or advice.  

It will be a couple months until we see her again.  I am sure many more laughs, and stories are on the agenda. I cannot wait to spend more time watching the interaction between her and Jonah. I love the joy and pride she holds watching her son fly.  And I love the moments of motherhood clarity I experience when with her. 

Until then, here are a few captured moments to smile on. 

"I am going to be sick forever"

"I am going to be sick forever." That has been my saying, or motto if you'd  like to call it that, the past couple days.  I only say that because of the mere fact that I absolutely hate being sick, and the thought of what it is like to be healthy, running around, eating anything, smiling, laughing, seems so very, VERY, opposite of what I have been feeling and such a far catch from where I currently reside.   

Patrick, Jonah, and I have all managed to catch the stomach bug. I truly imagine this bug having had pitched a tent in our stomach's, with mere intension to stay awhile and make our lives a living 'you know what'. I know he's in there, (yes, I've given the bug a gender) making himself a home, having lit a fire(the only vision I can have when pains deepen from any food substance) and laughing,  "Bwa HA HA's" while I dwell in misery.  I guess my imagination is still within reach, so I have ONE small aspect of me not affected. Still that leaves the game a far cry from a win.  Sarah: 1, bug of misery: a million.

To say this stomach bug is dreadful is an understatement.  This is awful.  The kind of awful where your body feels like you have been dragged through the most excruciating workout--your muscles throb with no relief. The type when you find yourself tilting your head back for air in attempts to escape waves of nausea. The kind of awful where you reach for anything remotely cool, whether it be the clammy bathroom floor, coldness of the sheets, or in my case, the crisp drink of Gatorade sitting a foot away on my bed stand that I cannot manage to get enough energy to reach for.  

What hurts my heart is that Jonah has endured the same agony that Patrick and I have.  How he managed to crawl around and 'play' for small periods of time is beyond our comprehension.  No wonder his appetite is non-existant, he's had his share of tantrums, and has carried an irritable temperament.  I don't blame him. He's developed this quiet, though high pitched, whimpering sigh that I have learned to be the cries of, "I don't feel good, Mommy." I fully defend that cry now, knowing what it feels like. I wish more acts of comfort were given on my part those days before Patrick and I were hit with this agony. 

I did, however, manage to wake up this morning with some slight bit of relief.  What was once  a continuous headache, now comes and goes.  I can actually walk around my home without feeling waves of nausea. Jonah managed to eat some oatmeal and yogurt this morning, and I think the blunt of it all for Patrick has passed.  So the thought that, "I am going to be sick forever" is slowly diminishing.  Visions of the bug being waterlogged with Gatorade dance in my head.  And the thought of being healthy, running around, laughing, and smiling is something I have learned to not take for granted.  

Prayers go out to anyone whom this dreaded stomach flu has hit.  If I have not described enough-- it is awful and our family fully understands your pain.  There is hope at the end, and I promise, as Patrick has reassured me several times, "You will NOT be sick forever." 

Ahh...the joys of normalcy are in site.

fondant.....my new favorite craft

So, I made and decorated Jonah's little 6 inch cake this past week for his birthday party.  I did not make the adorable topper(I purchased that from a cute cupcake shop on Etsy--you can view her shop here.) However, I did do all the fondant work covering it.  Rolling and kneading the fondant out, smoothing it, and making sure there were no imperfections on or around it...boy was it hard work!  They don't tell you on those cake shows ('Cake Boss' anyone?!) how difficult it is!  That being said....I think it turned out pretty good!  (Of course, my mom helped out with the piping the first go-around-but still) I also have to admit that I did a trial run the week before to see what fondant was all about.  So, up until today I had made two fondant covered cakes---successfully!!

That being said, I was given the opportunity to make another cake this afternoon for fun! My good friend, Danielle, told me she was craving some of my yummy fondant.  I of course took the opportunity to  go at it with my handy new skills.  

This is what I have to show for it..  ---------->>

I've decided my new favorite 'craft' is cake decorating..at least for now..until I completely bomb the next cake and disappointment sets in.  

Until then..toot toooot! :)