So much has happened in the last week, that I feel I should document it.
Back in 2008, I started my search for my birth mother. I believe I had written an initial letter when I was 18, but nothing much came from it, so I like to say I began the search initially in 2008. I didn’t hear much of any response, so I went on as normal. It wasn’t pressing..I have a wonderful life, but I am not going to dismiss the fact that I always wondered. There were times when I wished I had known of my mother and the woman she is, only because I wanted to see where my traits stemmed from. In February of this year, I contacted the agency that has now taken over the reunion cases of those adopted from the Children’s Baptist Home in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I was sent a letter, requesting that I wrote a letter, myself, to my birth mom to initialize the search and also to face any emotions that came with this start and any grievance, or fear. It took me several days to even think of writing. I set the request on my counter top, amongst other bills and consciously forgot about it. Patrick asked me from time to time if I had written yet, kindly reminding me. I finally wrote it on my own timing--I cried, laughed, and experienced several emotions I didn’t even knew were within when writing it. It came from the heart. I sent it, not thinking much would come from it.
It was Wednesday morning, July 27th and I heard the phone ring, but couldn’t get to the phone in time. A gal named Debbie left a message from Deaconess Pregnancy and Adoption Services telling me she had an update on the relocation of my family. I called back, we played phone tag and finally got a hold of each other in 10 min time. She told me my case was a difficult one. She informed me there were days she honestly put my file away, as it was frustrating having no answers. She tried all paths-tried to contact relatives, and no one was aware of where she was. She prayed and finally took a leap of faith and went through her personal facebook page..and found my brother..then my mother. She said the moment she saw my brother’s photo, she knew it was him. His eyes, and his chin-“you look so much alike, Sarah”. I didn’t know what to think.
She told me she had sent a message to my birth mother, and we would wait for her response. I didn’t know what to say or feel, or even pray about. I went to the gym telling myself to go on normally. I cried on the elyptical machine…just being hit with all this information was so scary. I came home, put Jonah down for a nap, took a shower, and then it all came out…I bawled. I was shaky. I didn’t know what to feel. I didn't know what to pray for. I never thought I’d get a phone call. Patrick was flying that day and I didn’t want to tell anyone else, so I called Debbie and left a message. I remember feeling helpless—I remember saying to myself, “you are almost 30 years old Sarah…and you cannot control these emotions?” She returned my call minutes later. She was so sweet, mentioned she was so glad I called and was there to listen to my emotions flow. Heavily.
That afternoon I wrote to Debbie via email, thanking her and also attached some current and past photos of myself in the instance that if my birth mother did respond with desire to read my letter, pictures would be available.
Friday morning, I received a call from Debbie around 7am. It was the call I was hoping for. She told me that my birth mother had responded. Debbie informed me my birth mother was taking a leap of faith and wanted to read my letter. She sent the photos and letter via email, while still on the phone with me. I remember thinking, “she could be reading my letter right now. She could be looking at my photos. This is a big day. A very good day.”
I went to the gym, and hoped for the best. I came home and received a message stating that Debbie and my mother, Julianne, had been in conversation all morning and wondered if it would be best to email to begin our reunion. I received an email from my birth mother that afternoon. I couldn’t believe it. This was happening. It was real. I saw photos of her, my brother, and twin sisters. All my life I have lived as me—not knowing where certain traits stem from. I have only had Jonah to look at and see myself in. Now, it was surreal looking at photos only to see myself in her and my family.
Amongst the reality of such a huge event in my life, it’s the little things that have made me even more emotional these past few days. For instance- I love peanut butter, and my birth mother informed me she ate a lot of peanut butter while she was pregnant with me. I share my eyes and love for music with my brother, Derrick. I have learned he has never had braces, nor have I—yet we still have managed to inherit that gene where our teeth are seamlessly straight. Along with my sisters, Stephane and Celia, we carry a similar profile, are crafty and equally share so many of life’s favorites-- it’s shocking. My mother loves the same restaurant I do, back East—Golden Corral (not too many understand our love for it). I’ve emailed, chatted and been corresponding with my family. I see resemblances in all of them and thank God continuously that He has given me this gift of a reunion.
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| my beautiful birth mother, Julianne |
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| Julianne with my nephew, Trenton |
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| my sister Stephane, brother Derrick, and sister Celia |
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| twin sisters |
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| brother Derrick with his son Trenton, and fiance Jessica |
