Pumpkin Patch 2013

Right now..

Right now, my beautiful baby girl is napping in her boppy pillow just a few feet away from me.  My son is happily playing upstairs in his playroom, as I can hear his ‘play/pretend’ voice chatting away with the rocket ship and spacemen.  And now, I am sitting back down to type, because I was called to come and kiss his owey on his head from an abrupt, yet quick, disruption fall. He’s happily launching his rocket ship, so any worry has subsided.  I am smiling.  I feel complete.  And among all the fear that has crept into my mind this past week, I know that I have been given a blessing that I can handle. Two. Two beautiful babies to watch grow.  Two personalities. Two lives. Two children that I get to see evolve into something great. 

So many fears fogged my mind this week.  We of course have endured a fast refresher course of having a newborn. It’s been slightly easier this time around, as the anxiety of ‘the un-known’ isn't there, and only a few minor hiccups have risen.  Discovering and embracing the differences and similarities between my two children is just one contributing aspect to feeling complete. 

Jonah has adjusted well with his little sister around.  He loves holding her and is quite protective.  His sensitive nature worries when she cries, as he noticeably cares and nurtures in his own way.  He isn't as much jealous, as I believe him to be worried.  Thus resulting in a refusal to listen, and increase in energy. I feel he worries that our attention isn't as focused as it once was, which is expected and true.  I cannot dismiss the frustration I've felt, but know as time resides a calmer normalcy will fall into place, just as it should be.

I remember always ‘feeling’ and verbally stating that God would give me boys and that I wouldn't ever have a daughter. Part of me now thinks that I ‘felt’ that with an undermining fear—fear to raise a girl that might be like me, might have the characteristics of me that I don’t particularly like, might face this world with similar struggles I have faced, and I don’t know if I would want or like that.  I may not.  But I know God doesn't give us anything we cannot handle—as children or adults. 

In the morning hours I find myself just staring at her, first in awe of the gift God has given me, and second in prayer that she may be strong in this harsh world, knowing that struggles will come, and she may face hardship that I cannot protect her from.  The fears of raising a daughter may still linger, but becoming a mom to Ellie has shown me that God can handle what we cannot.  God has given me what He knows I can endure with His help-- this gift to nurture, love, protect, and mother my beautiful baby girl. 

As stated, there are a lot of emotions right now, but one standing out is complete. A complete understanding that a household normalcy will reside soon.  A complete acknowledgement that my plans for the future aren't always those of His. And lastly, I accept completely that God will protect my sweet baby girl and the future He holds for her. 

Ellie's birth story

Ellie Grace Hancock
July 21, 2013
5:35am
7.9 oz, 18.5 inches long

Let me start off by saying that Ellie’s birth story, in my mind, mimicked those seen in movies.  The frantic rush to the hospital, the experience of my water breaking, the fear that we weren't going to make it—it was all there, and looking back, it was perfect J Having been induced with Jonah, I didn't have the experience of laboring and having my water break on its own.  Knowing that this was my last pregnancy, I wanted to experience it all (well..not all..I did want an epidural and thankfully received one.  Barely, I might add, but no complaints on this end).

As my due date approached, like any pregnant woman, it got significantly uncomfortable.  On the night of the 20^th, Patrick and I decided to watch a movie in bed to ease any levels of un-comfort on my end.  I recognized that baby Ellie was moving differently, and actually stated to Patrick that, “something weird” was going on in there.  I fell asleep shortly after midnight and woke up to a contraction around 1:45am. I had a couple contractions 8 minutes apart, but really didn't think much of it, as I had experienced some false labor a few weeks back that started out similar.   Within minutes the contractions became 4 minutes apart.  I told Patrick I thought we needed to go to the hospital.  I called our neighbor to come and stay with Jonah and by the time we were in the car, the contractions became much stronger and 2 minutes apart.  Looking back on the car ride to the hospital, I laugh.  Patrick and I both experienced fear, excitement, a bit of laughter, and pain all in one.  I remember mentioning to Patrick that I thought my water was going to break in his car.  His foot hit the pedal so hard, we found ourselves going 65 mph down Meridian. (speed limit I believe is 40 mph).

When I got to the hospital, Patrick wheeled me into the emergency entrance and I was taken to a triage room where they checked my cervix and vitals.  That prior Monday, the doctor had indicated I was 3cm dilated and 75% effaced. Considering the stats, I figured I had progressed a little since then.  The nurse told us I was at a good 6cm and that we were going to have a baby! It was really happening! She wheeled me down to the delivery room.  I remember throwing up a few times, nurses asking if I had wanted an epidural and an overall rush to get me to where I needed to be to deliver.  I don’t believe I would have had the opportunity to receive an epidural had the anesthesiologist not been in the next room at the time of my room transfer. Within 10 minutes after I received my epidural, my water broke and I was completely dilated.

I have to state that the faculty and facility itself at Good Samaritan are amazing. Both of the times I have delivered there have been wonderful.  Reminiscing and reviewing all the little details here and there about Ellie’s birth, there are a few comical moments to mention about the staff that helped me deliver. There may have been an overly sweaty (now I mean OVERLY..overly being ‘drenched in her scrubs, dripping on my gown’ )  nurse helping me who couldn't quite figure out her bearings.  Whether it be hooking up the IV machine, inputting correct stats into the computer, or her ability to make some decent coffee for sleep deprived fathers, it all makes for a few good laughs.  The unstated but laughable non-communication between her and the anesthesiologist, and post-delivery nurses all made our experience that much more ‘story-worthy’. 

Once complete, I labored for about an hour, letting her progress naturally down into the birth canal.  I started pushing at 5am, after around 6 pushes, she arrived at 5:35am. Ellie Grace Hancock was born at 7.9 ounces, 18.5 inches long.  From the time we left our home to the time she was born, it was less than 3.5 hours.  Ellie’s birth was such a different experience than Jonah’s, but both equally rewarding.  She is such a blessing to our family, and makes our family complete in so many ways.

Our family

Jonah meeting his sister

Jonah sharing his blanket with Ellie

sweet sibling kisses

all ready to go home!

our baby girl's shower

This past Saturday my dear friend, Stephanie, hosted a baby shower for our sweet baby girl. The shower setting was beautifully perfect.  It was equipped with my favorites--stargazer lillies, fresh fruit, an abundance of delicious oreos (the top contender in the line up of cravings I've had) , and a common theme (pulled from the vision of her room) of soft coral and mint green colors.  

Friends and family gathered outside on this gorgeous day to help celebrate with me.  One of the activities held was to write down wishes for the baby.  Among many tears of joy and happiness, they were all read out loud--a very special memory I will always cherish. 

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We laughed, took photos, played 'baby bingo' and opened gifts.  By the looks of things, her wardrobe is getting to be bigger than mine!  Did I mention there was yummy cake, too?! I thoroughly, and clearly enjoyed it!

This day is one for the books.  Being surrounded by such love and support made me even more excited for the upcoming arrival of our baby girl. My hope for her is that she will have a similar foundation of friends and family that love and support her in her life's endeavors.  

Easter 2013

We had a great Easter this year.  Jonah woke up and was so excited to see what the Easter bunny had brought him..he couldn't even wait for daddy to get up out of bed to run downstairs and see!  As usual, the  Easter bunny does not disappoint!  We followed in the excitement with a little Easter egg hunt outside.  It was pretty cute watching Jonah get all the Easter eggs into the basket.  He made sure to stop for a minute to see and devour what was inside the eggs.  He pressed on tho, making sure to get each and every egg.  It was hard work carrying that basket around..it was rather heavy after all was said and done!  The rest of the day was spent playing in the warm sun that our Lord brought us, and enjoying the time spent together as a family. 

God given joy

With purposeful and intentional delay we are happy to announce that we will be seeing a bit more pink this coming July! We are so very grateful and excited knowing God has blessed our family in abundance, providing a son and now a daughter.  Reasons behind this delay involve ones of the obvious--withholding our exciting news throughout the first trimester, guaranteeing a viable, healthy pregnancy-- but I think other reason lies around the idea that I want to cherish this time, this moment in my life where I know it will be my last to engage in all that the first months of pregnancy offer.

I was one of the few who did not experience all the symptoms and frustrations pregnancy offers when pregnant with Jonah.  Let me preface this and say, yes, there were definitely moments, especially towards the end, when I was uncomfortable, irritable, and emotional.  But the lists of early symptoms us women develop in the early months were not recognizable.  Time flew by, and excitement masked any notable symptoms.

If I wasn't given the grand opportunity to experience all that pregnancy had to offer with my first, I believe my second is making up for it. To be honest—I am happy and grateful I have had this opportunity—though painful, frustrating, and disappointing at times, it puts me on that list of moms who can attest to what pregnancy is all about.  You name the symptom— I've met it firsthand.*  Those including nausea, cravings, soreness, indigestion, constipation, mild cramping, heart burn, leg cramps, difficulty sleeping, and acid re-flux  It’s all been present in the last 20 weeks, coming here and there, thankfully never over staying its welcome, but always regretfully returning for unexpected visits.

*A little disclaimer here—my mother can attest to my body’s willingness to hardly ever throw up.  I literally have vomited less than 5 times in my life, so if we disregard the ‘vomiting’, every other symptom has been checked off the list. Trust me; I've prayed to throw up.  I've cried out in moments of weakness to “please, please, please allow me some relief!” But my body’s ‘no go’ mentality will not budge. 

Yesterday, any movement was painful.  The only thing on my mind was willing myself not to move, in fear of another onset of nausea or worse.  I remember breathing heavily, grasping air to distract any waves of sickness to crash.  I felt her kick and had a moment of clarity.   In these moments of weakness; the dreadful, excruciating moments where you are faced with the reality of it all, the stage where you are crying in pain, lying on the bathroom floor, slowly chewing the saltine cracker, there’s a brief point, in the minutes following, where you see the joy in it all.  She gives you a small reminder of movement that she’s still there.  And she's enduring it all with you.  A God given clarity that this too shall pass.  Giving us the strength to get through this together,  He allowed me to see joy in my moment of weakness. 

With the recognizable symptoms this time around, it seems this joy is continuously and noticeably given.  My prospective is broader and I am filled with hope, and excitement of what God has in store for us in the next couple of months. I hear the laughing of my beautiful boy, dream of color schemes for her nursery, imagine them happily playing together and know that I have been so blessed. That moment of weakness has passed and I am blessed with the desires of my heart.

Motherhood is a blessing.  It truly is.  Despite all that a mother has to endure during her pregnancy, from past and recent experience, I am positive the received joy outweighs all the rest. This coming July, our hearts will be filled and the said symptoms of pregnancy will be masked, tho not forgotten, by a God given joy.

a common motion

This past year I have really learned a lot about the importance of family.  I smile at that statement. For that word –family--has made itself present yet again in my life.  It seems as though the idea of family and all that it entails always finds its place amongst my yearly reflections.  Come to think of it, it seems that the more I get older, the more important family becomes and the more it sinks deeper into a much needed foundation and basis for my own personal growth.

I have realized I need it.  Judging from its habitual reputation, it’s no surprise that this realization is a constant one.  Clearly, not every day is perfect.  Let’s face it; there are days that are undeniably difficult. Downright  hard.  We all face them.  We all can relate to that one bad day where everything is up in shambles, and the domino effect is in full motion. The house is a mess, the constant cries for attention, or something to drink, ‘my blanky’ , or ‘my toy!’, the car won’t start, you are late for swimming lessons, and dinner..what’s for dinner?! And the only thing besides a desperate cry to God that helps me through is the simple love and comfort of those in my life—my family.

There are moments where I think of the ‘what ifs’ and the unknowns.  I allow myself to face the fear of uncertainty for just a split second.  And the question that is always dead center in front of me is, “what if I didn’t have my family?”  What if that love, happiness, laughter, and comfort that I live for went away.  It leaves me breathless.

Family understands hopes, frustrations, aspirations, struggles and fears.  Family offers to listen to our rants, give a hug, send an inspirational text, post that reassuring emoticon on fb to say, ‘hey-I get ya, I’ve been there’, make a joke, and ultimately pick us back up and provide a happiness to move forward.  Each day is a gift God graciously gives, and when those days aren’t perfect in our eyes, God graciously grants us another gift-a presence of family to help us learn and move forward.

Sure, this past year has brought obstacles and I survived the first six months of this year without my husband.  But the idea that I still held that security, despite it being a text, or voice rather than a physical comfort, gave me hope.  This drive to persevere through the months ahead was a direct reflection of the existence I call my family.  It gave me something to work towards and look forward to. I knew he’d be home sooner than later, and I dreamt of spending our family vacation together on the NC beach.  I imagined Jonah building sand castles while my mother-in-law told me stories of when she was younger with Patrick.  I dreamt of lazy Sunday afternoons with nothing to do but be together.  I smiled at the thought of seeing Jonah’s joy while playing with his daddy at the park, and feeling that embrace of my husband after being apart for far too long. 

With all that being said--A while back a friend of a friend posted a picture of a staircase wall project she had been working on.  It displayed an ancestry branch, each part of the branch marked photos of relatives and kin. This image was the perfect interpretation of a family tree. It shed light on the importance of heritage.  The photos aligned the staircase; giving the image such depth and the flourished branches a beautiful paralleled meaning.  It was inspiring.  I had that moment of realization that said I want to do that.  I need to do that. I need to do it to physically acknowledge what this past year has taught me.  

It was one of those nights where I couldn't sleep and this moment of realization turned into a moment of proclamation.  Several days were spent pondering and tweaking my vision.  I spoke with relatives, ordered photos and spent countless hours at the frame shop tweaking and configuring the perfect photo mats and frames.  Many emails were sent to the vinyl branch decal artist, and our living room floor became a canvas for frame mapping on more than one occasion. This past weekend the postman delivered my branch and with the help of my amazing husband, my vision came to life. 

Family is what makes me go. It’s what I need and live for. Whether it’s a simple hug to get me through the afternoon,  the vacation planned for next year, the imagery of a larger family, or a glance on the family wall staircase, it all generates a common motion; an extension of growth. 

a season of change

I have always loved fall.  Giving reason why our wedding anniversary lies within the fall months. There's always something about fall that makes me happy.  This year isn't any different.  If anything, I have  noticed more in this 2012 season that makes me utterly giddy with excitement than I have in past years.  One of the reasons lies in the mere idea of change. It's something about the colors of the leaves.  It's the one tree that stands out from the rest of the others- expressing such a bright yellow color, that proclaims 'fall is here'. It's the one morning that I feel a sudden crisp cool air in my lungs that wasn't present the day before.  Instead of berries and barbecue, it's the smells of apples, cinnamon, cloves, and even a warm cooked meal inviting us all to share in each other's company.  Fall is clearly a season of change.  That change is not only reflected in the leaves and weather, it gives much opportunity to reflect on the growth and change in our own lives. My happiness lies in the photos taken each year--capturing memories now and reflecting on ones we've taken in the past.

With that, here are a few years of comparisons--

And that makes me happy. 

Scholz Farms 2012