God given joy

With purposeful and intentional delay we are happy to announce that we will be seeing a bit more pink this coming July! We are so very grateful and excited knowing God has blessed our family in abundance, providing a son and now a daughter.  Reasons behind this delay involve ones of the obvious--withholding our exciting news throughout the first trimester, guaranteeing a viable, healthy pregnancy-- but I think other reason lies around the idea that I want to cherish this time, this moment in my life where I know it will be my last to engage in all that the first months of pregnancy offer.

I was one of the few who did not experience all the symptoms and frustrations pregnancy offers when pregnant with Jonah.  Let me preface this and say, yes, there were definitely moments, especially towards the end, when I was uncomfortable, irritable, and emotional.  But the lists of early symptoms us women develop in the early months were not recognizable.  Time flew by, and excitement masked any notable symptoms.

If I wasn't given the grand opportunity to experience all that pregnancy had to offer with my first, I believe my second is making up for it. To be honest—I am happy and grateful I have had this opportunity—though painful, frustrating, and disappointing at times, it puts me on that list of moms who can attest to what pregnancy is all about.  You name the symptom— I've met it firsthand.*  Those including nausea, cravings, soreness, indigestion, constipation, mild cramping, heart burn, leg cramps, difficulty sleeping, and acid re-flux  It’s all been present in the last 20 weeks, coming here and there, thankfully never over staying its welcome, but always regretfully returning for unexpected visits.

*A little disclaimer here—my mother can attest to my body’s willingness to hardly ever throw up.  I literally have vomited less than 5 times in my life, so if we disregard the ‘vomiting’, every other symptom has been checked off the list. Trust me; I've prayed to throw up.  I've cried out in moments of weakness to “please, please, please allow me some relief!” But my body’s ‘no go’ mentality will not budge. 

Yesterday, any movement was painful.  The only thing on my mind was willing myself not to move, in fear of another onset of nausea or worse.  I remember breathing heavily, grasping air to distract any waves of sickness to crash.  I felt her kick and had a moment of clarity.   In these moments of weakness; the dreadful, excruciating moments where you are faced with the reality of it all, the stage where you are crying in pain, lying on the bathroom floor, slowly chewing the saltine cracker, there’s a brief point, in the minutes following, where you see the joy in it all.  She gives you a small reminder of movement that she’s still there.  And she's enduring it all with you.  A God given clarity that this too shall pass.  Giving us the strength to get through this together,  He allowed me to see joy in my moment of weakness. 

With the recognizable symptoms this time around, it seems this joy is continuously and noticeably given.  My prospective is broader and I am filled with hope, and excitement of what God has in store for us in the next couple of months. I hear the laughing of my beautiful boy, dream of color schemes for her nursery, imagine them happily playing together and know that I have been so blessed. That moment of weakness has passed and I am blessed with the desires of my heart.

Motherhood is a blessing.  It truly is.  Despite all that a mother has to endure during her pregnancy, from past and recent experience, I am positive the received joy outweighs all the rest. This coming July, our hearts will be filled and the said symptoms of pregnancy will be masked, tho not forgotten, by a God given joy.