A treasured 6 month moment

One hundred fifty nine days.  Just one of the thoughts I sit with as I type tonight on the eve of my flight to Vegas for Patrick’s WIC graduation.  I could easily list all of the trials and frustrations I’ve had to endure the past six months.   I could reflect on how it has molded me and given me a better perspective of who I am.  But I feel as if I’ve already done a lot of those reflections (both here and on my own) and have had noted them throughout this journey.

Tonight as I went through the one last bedtime routine, I caught myself many times throughout the 30 minutes of bath/story/prayer/cuddle time reminding myself to treasure this one last time.  I couldn’t help to hear that small voice inside my head saying, “You’ve done this routine almost 160 times now, Sarah--counting down the days until Patrick returns.  There have been many times when you’ve dreaded this routine and wanted it over with because of the day you’ve endured. ..and now you’ve decided to live in the moment?” Despite this loathly self-talk resulting in an utter feeling of guilt, I decided to answer back and say, “Why, yes.  I will live in this moment because it’s a special one. This is monumental in my book--doing this on our own, yet together, has been a journey.  And now it has come to somewhat of an end.  As special as it is, it holds a slight bit of sadness--and the only way I know how to make the best out of sadness is to reflect on the good.  So yes, I will take in this moment and all the glory that comes with it.”

I couldn't stop telling Jonah I loved him.  I wanted him to know in that moment, despite all the things we’ve had to endure together while Patrick has been away, both good and bad--the growing we've done together and the lessons we've learned, the moments of happiness and those of frustration--that I love him.  That I’ve enjoyed every minute with him.  For probably the 100^th time tonight, we read the book, “I love you through and through", by Bernadette Roseetti Shustak.  One of my favorite lines is, “I love your giggles and your cries.” There have been vast amounts of giggles and a significant presence of ‘cries’.  And I've loved every one of them. I know he’s only two—but hope that he remembers and values this time with me—those six months in 2012—as one to treasure.