an absent introspective me ... and Christmas 2012

I've been putting off blogging for a while. I honestly don't know why.  I could blame it on exhaustion or business of life. Honestly--I know I've had time, have thought maybe I can blog today and catch up on holiday events and photos, but always shrug my shoulders and say, tomorrow perhaps. Even now as I've typed these two sentences I've thought of other things I could be doing, went upstairs to check on Jonah who is bouncing around during his supposed nap time and just getting more frustrated by the minute by such circumstances-those in myself, the mere fact of my procrastination (tho reason stated as unknown), and more so in which time has just slipped through my fingers. I have felt there is a part of me that wants to hold on to the memories, and moments I have experienced lately. I feel much more introspective lately. And I feel selfish not wanting to write or put any words down.

Jonah's naps have become hit or miss, he talks non-stop, has grown up so fast in a matter of months that I feel I've missed some of it. His smile is contagious.  His heart is big, and his curiosity is ever so present. Regardless if I have been there every moment with him, I have felt distant. I have had personal moments where I am reminded to cherish this gift God has given in front of me and to not take advantage of this opportunity God has given me--to be a mother to such a beautiful boy.

Reading these two paragraphs already written it's clear-- to me, and probably to any reader-- that my heart is heavy. This time of year, I usually reflect on the past year and with a hopeful heart look forward to all of the wonderful memories God will provide in the upcoming year. But honestly, I haven't had energy to dig deep and reflect. Yes, I will note the things I've learned I am sure in months to come, but my mind is foggy and I honestly think frustration would be the end of it at the moment.

I have many current emotions--ones of guilt, ones of doubt, grateful, hopeful, and uncertainty.  But I wont dismiss the fact and reason why I started blogging in the first place. To document the events and provide an escape to do what was just done--to be honest with myself and the few readers that read our blog where I've been and reasons for my absence. So reason somewhat stated, and with that out of the way, here are a few photos taken over the holidays.

Santa brought the coolest helicopter EVER!

A dinosaur puzzle from PopPop

Patrick's father came to visit over Christmas.  We had a chance to visit family in Oregon and spend Christmas Eve and day at home. We had a wonderful time watching Jonah experience Christmas, truly knowing what presents are, and seeing the excitement and wonderment in his eyes when the reindeer did in fact come and eat all the oats and 'food'(glitter, sprinkles, and such of course!) off our front driveway. We participated in all the fun that the season had to offer--seeing Santa, Christmas lights, drinking hot cocoa, building a gingerbread house, watching Christmas movies(Charlie Brown's Christmas is a favorite), and making cookies are a few to happily note.

the decorator (and taster!)

cookie making at it's finest

Hopefully this next month I will make more of an effort to capture and document these special moments our family endures. In the meantime, I will be rummaging through my foggy emotions with hope that God will help me understand some of it.

Many blessings and wishes for a happy and memorable New Year.