stepping stones

Okay so this post could in fact end up being one of those mushy posts--a post where my thoughts and emotions come out and I look back and say--that was deep. But I believe it's something that has to be noted every once in a while--a notion that we all must take and endure. Even if it ends up being 'mushy'.  As I have mentioned before, I write on this blog secretly for my own selfish reasons.  Yes, it's for our friends and family to see the updates on what is happening in our lives, but really to express feelings, let it all out and give me a sense of relief knowing these events in our lives have been noted in some form--words, photos, or both.

Here I sit on the plane headed back to seattle.  I have felt this utter urge to write out these feelings of  'love' or mushiness per say, to the point that I cant wait until tomorrow morning during the time I routinely blog after a trip or holiday to write down my thoughts and post photos.  Its usually during Jonah's nap, in front of the computer, with a cup of coffee in hand.  But tonight it's different--my draft of a post will be written in an aisle seat, and complimentary beverage will have to do.

It's not a new found realization, as I have known all along. Its more of a confirmation of how much I love my husband.  He is my world. He is my best friend. There wasn't a profound event this weekend that I was given this confirmation.  But rather being in every moment with him allowed it to escape. We needed this time. We needed these moments of confirmation. It had been seven weeks since seeing him and the next is six weeks away. We needed this stepping stone. 

Visiting him in Philadelphia this past weekend gave me that push. It started that stream of confirmations..the reasons in stating I love this man as much as I do.  The happiness and eagerness I felt stepping off from the airport shuttle to see him sitting in the hotel lobby for me. The joy in his eyes as he stopped at yet another Dunkin donuts for my third hot chocolate that day--because making me happy is his priority. The laughter we shared in moments of spontaneity. The comfort of making myself home in his 'home-away-from home' on base. How easy it was to relax and fall asleep so quickly. Even the giddiness I felt when he reached for my hand while walking to dinner. As these confirmations seeped slowly, a prominent moment was a humble acceptance--as I walked around the airport waiting for my flight home. I saw other couples say their goodbyes.  I couldn't help the lump in my throat and the tears from forming. I had that confirmation that amongst the sadness of our distance, I am blessed.  I have a love and friendship so strong that will, and has held its own.

We were able to explore Philadelphia. With only an iphone to guide our way, we set forth and ventured out to the city. We saw the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall. We went to a couple movies, shared dinner together and caught a great comedy show. He introduced me to the strange 'jug handles' New Jersey has to offer to drivers, the heavenly taste of Dunkin donuts hot chocolate and quite possibly the best taco pizza I've ever tasted. But most of all--we shared moments together. Moments of clarification that I noted above--ones solidifying that I love this man with all my heart and I could not ask for anything more.

Jonah was in good hands this weekend, as my mom and a great friend watched him while I was away. 

And now as I sit in front of the computer to re-read my 'aisle seat' of a draft, I cannot imagine our life without the one that sleeps soundly upstairs.  While in Philly, I filled Patrick in on all the new-found words and tendencies that Jonah has learned the past two months.  I know it hurts his heart to hear of moments he's missed, yet filling it with joy at the same time.  I know Patrick is fearful that the 'daddy' Jonah knows may be lost come April when he visits.  If  moments like the ones I experienced this past weekend made an appearance in my world, I know they will be  present in Jonah's come April.  It's only a step away..and if stepping stones are the only means to endure these moments with him--we will forcefully jump on them until June.